He Made Me Feel Nasty, But I Was Completely Faithful: The Truth About Trichomoniasis, Blame, and Shame"
One of the most heartbreaking comments I've ever received on my page was this: "Thank you for making this. My ex gave it to me, and I had no clue for a long time. He made me feel like I was nasty even though I was completely faithful."
If that sentence hit you in the chest, you are not alone. Thousands of women are diagnosed with trichomoniasis every year women who are faithful, careful, and doing everything right, and still get blamed, shamed, and made to feel dirty. Today we are going to talk about why that happens, what the science actually says, and what you deserve to know about your own body.
Disclaimer: This post is educational only and is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult a licensed healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.
Trichomoniasis, commonly called trich (pronounced "trick"), is the most common non-viral sexually transmitted infection in the world. In the United States alone, the CDC estimates there were more than two million trichomoniasis infections in 2018, making it far more common than most people realize. [yoursexualhealth]
Unlike bacterial vaginosis (BV), which is a bacterial imbalance that is not sexually transmitted, trichomoniasis is caused by a microscopic parasite called Trichomonas vaginalis. It lives in genital fluids and is passed through sexual contact specifically penetrative sex, male-to-female genital contact even without ejaculation, and vagina-to-vagina contact. [yoursexualhealth]
This is important: it is not spread through toilet seats, towels, clothing, sharing food or drinks, or swimming pools. So if you've been blaming yourself for something that happened in a locker room or a hotel bathroom, you can let that go right now. [yoursexualhealth]
Trichomoniasis is treatable. With the right prescription medication, it clears up quickly. But the shame and confusion it leaves behind? That can last much longer and that's exactly what we need to talk about.
Here is the fact that changes everything, and the fact that most people including many partners who do the blaming don't know:
About 70% of people infected with trichomoniasis have no symptoms at all.
Read that again. Seventy percent. That means the majority of people carrying trichomoniasis are walking around completely unaware, feeling totally fine, and unknowingly passing it to their partners. [thompsonmedical]
For the roughly 30% who do develop symptoms, they can include: [ncbi.nim.nih]
Abnormal vaginal discharge that may be thin, frothy, or yellow-green in color
A strong or foul vaginal odor
Itching, burning, redness, or soreness around the vagina and vulva
Pain or discomfort during sex
Burning or pain when urinating
In some cases, pelvic pain or abnormal spotting
But here is where it gets even more complicated: symptoms can come and go. You might feel fine for weeks, then suddenly notice discharge or odor. This unpredictability is part of why so many women spend months thinking they just keep getting yeast infections or BV, when trichomoniasis has been present the entire time. [cdc]
Untreated trichomoniasis infections can last for months even years. This means your partner could have been infected long before they ever met you, carried it silently without a single symptom, and passed it to you without any knowledge that they had it. That is not a theory. That is documented medical fact. [cdc]
This is the part that leads to so much unfair blame toward women.
Men very commonly carry trichomoniasis with few or no symptoms. In many cases, the infection in men resolves on its own within weeks but during that window, it can absolutely be passed to a female partner. And because men often feel nothing, they have no reason to suspect they have it, no reason to get tested, and no frame of reference for what they gave their partner. [pennmedicine]
That doesn't make it okay. But it does mean that a man saying "I don't have anything, I feel fine" is not the same as a man saying "I tested negative." Those are two very different statements, and one of them means nothing medically.
Additionally, trichomoniasis can cause false negatives in male testing. This is well documented the infection can "hide" in ways that standard testing misses, especially if the test is not specifically ordered or if it is done too early. So a negative male test does not automatically prove he was never infected. [cdc]
Research shows that women are disproportionately blamed for sexually transmitted infections, even when their partners are the source. The stigma attached to STIs leads partners, family members, and even healthcare providers to unconsciously or consciously treat a woman's diagnosis as evidence of her behavior, rather than evidence of a common, often silent infection. [pmc.ncbi.nim.nih]
This is harmful for several reasons:
It delays treatment. Women who feel ashamed are less likely to seek care quickly, allowing infections to go untreated longer.
It damages mental health. Being blamed for something that happened to you, especially by an intimate partner, is a form of emotional harm that can cause long-term anxiety, self-doubt, and relationship trauma.
It spreads misinformation. When people believe STIs only happen to "certain kinds of women," they stop protecting themselves and stop getting tested. That's how infections spread silently through communities. [pmc.ncbi.nim.nih]
Your diagnosis is not a reflection of your character. It is a health issue that requires medical care the same way a UTI, a broken bone, or strep throat requires medical care.
If you suspect trichomoniasis or want to be sure you've been properly checked, here is exactly what to say at your next appointment:
"I'd like to be tested specifically for trichomoniasis, bacterial vaginosis, yeast, and a full STI panel please."
This matters because trichomoniasis is not always included in a standard STI panel. You may have to ask for it by name. You deserve to know your full picture, and advocating for your own testing is one of the most powerful things you can do for your health.
If you are currently in treatment and symptoms are not improving, go back. Ask about retesting. Ask whether your partner was also treated. Reinfection from an untreated partner is one of the most common reasons trich comes back. [yoursexualhealth]
Getting a diagnosis especially one that comes wrapped in betrayal or shame takes a toll on your whole body, not just your vaginal health. Stress elevates cortisol, and elevated cortisol can disrupt your immune response and vaginal microbiome, making it harder to recover and stay balanced. [pmc.ncbi.nim.nih]
While your medication is doing its medical work, your self-care routine matters too. That means:
Prioritizing sleep
Reducing stress where you can
Being kind to your body with warm baths, gentle routines, and moments of calm
Surrounding yourself with people who make you feel safe, not shamed
At BVTalks, everything I make from the candles to the soaps is designed for exactly this kind of moment. Not to treat an infection, but to help you feel clean, calm, and like yourself again while your body heals. There is nothing wrong with you. You are taking care of yourself, and that is enough.
To the woman who left that comment: thank you for being brave enough to share your story. You were not nasty. You were not irresponsible. You were a faithful person who got a common, often silent infection from someone who either didn't know they had it, or did know and said nothing. Neither of those things is your fault.
Get tested. Get treated. Get support. And come back here every week, because this community is built for you.
